MEMOIRS OF MY MOMENTS IN PARADISE by Suzzette Ukatu

(This was an article Suzzette Ukatu wrote that was to appear in the Medicare that got burnt. It's a little piece of her she left me and it's my pleasure sharing it with all of you. RIP Duchess) 

Welcome to the ”true convention story”, I  have been skeptical on writing on convention events, in fact on writing at all, hopefully this would be my first and last. Let me just say that if you’re expecting a sugar coated story or heartwarming tales about the convention, I’ll advise  you to stop here and close this page , if you’re expecting a skilled , entertaining, educational, inspirational, methodological write up bla bla bla, you are in for a surprise! For I am anything but an experienced writer, and I don’t promise to do my best, rather I promise to take up few minutes of your time with my boring memoirs of paradise (are you are still reading this, ) nevertheless, sit back, cross your legs and pretend your reading this page while I take you through my journey in paradise.

Calabar! Calabar! Calabar! The people’s paradise! Was it really ethereal for me? Can u honestly say it was for you?!People have so many reasons why they go for conventions; to rekindle the flames of friendship, to acquaint themselves with new friends, to get attached with future partners (*winks*) to applaud or criticize the grandeur of a place "a.k.a amebology", especially when it’s called a paradise; Aha! That’s my own reason for going, to finally get to see the prestigious kingdom of Calabar, whose name echoes through the walls of history, whose beauty resolves all doubt, whose culture is as old as time itself, a kingdom whose cleanliness is resounded as an exemplary tool in other parts of the country. Yes! I went to see for myself, the people’s paradise

Our journey to Calabar was stressful to say the least, it was bum-melting, sweat-pouring and time consuming, can u imagine the journey from one end of the earth to another!Sokoto–Calabar!,we had to stop at intervals, but finally we made it through, what relief we had to see the landscapes of Calabar!we were on time for the opening mass while our some of our counterparts were still stuck in the road due to some unforeseen circumstances(sorry guys, heavenly race no easy),on arrival ,the opening mass went smoothly and the heavens literally showered us with blessings.

We were led to our lodges by the representatives of the host school and lo n behold, lord have mercy! From the comforts provided by ABU to the rat infested houses in OAU to the suites in NAUTH,its rather difficult to rank the accommodation offered by Malabites as they are fondly called, perhaps you can help me out, what would you call a place that offers no electricity, no beds, vampire mosquitoes, and water from a trip to Afghanistan! Any suggestions? notwithstanding, I got a comfortable spot after having to carry a double bunk bed from one room to another (u wan try Ibo girl)and then going to search for a bed all the way to jamaica.yea yea ,it wasn’t  all that bad, the Malabites arrived in time to assist us before we collapsed from hypothermia and mega stress syndrome.

After a fitful night rest, we awoke to the sound of a bell very early to start preparing for the thanksgiving mass. It was a very colorful gathering, T-shirts seemed to be the dress code, because all sort of colors were seen, ash by UDU, green by BSUTH, red by DELSUTH, yellow and black by UATH, dark colored polo’s by IMSUTH , UNIPORT, UNICAL etc., although some schools stepped out in style, the bling bling by ESUTH, the jumpsuit/polo by UNIBEN and the conventional style of UNTH (come on guys, we are dying to see something new). There were lots of dance moves to the altar with UNIBEN, ESUTH, UNIPORT, UNTH, ABSUTH, leaving some moves in our memory.

It became picture frenzy after the mass and lots of old and new acquaintances were made. We dashed off to the symposium (the most interesting event in history) they said it was nice, I can’t say because I wasn’t there. I was busy doing something else, erm…..yea, was working up a sweat! The symposium lasted too long as usual (don’t all boring events do?)then we left and got back in time to wait for supper at the church, we waited and waited, hungrily and tirelessly, looking from clock to watch and back to clock again!(trust me, it wasn’t funny)chicks began to complain, what is taking the food so long? My stomach growls! (translation- hunger dey fire us), as the seconds went by, we became restless and ESUTH and AAU delegates entertained us vigorously (you guys rock) until the food came. Little did we know that more was yet to come, we had barely touched our food when we saw a stampede of people running into the church, it was chaotic, those outside ran inside while those inside somersaulted into the altar with rosaries clutched at their chest, how do I know all this? I had a pretty good view from under the table where I and 2 other people surprisingly squeezed ourselves into (who knew adrenaline could slim you down in 2 minutes! New discovery), people were speaking in strange tongues that day and it definitely wasn’t as a result of the outpouring of the holy spirit, urhobo boy speaking hausa, hausa speaking French, ibo speaking idoma! (Oghene! abasimbong! chineke! ubangiji). Anyway, a UNICAL representative came to douse the flames and told us everything was under control, although I remained firmly hidden under the table sha (who no like him life)

As a result of the unsettlement, we had to have the variety night in an unfavorable location (sad), I looked forward to variety nights each year, some schools could not perform due to physical and environmental factors while others still dared to try, JUTH, ESUTH, UNTH tried their very best and gave a wonderful performance against the odds (one word guys! Awesome), and others as we are yet to discover saved the best for the last.

Our night rest was as usual (need I say more?), as the day broke, heavy rains broke in but we broke through. After an interesting breakfast, we were treated to a tour to some tourist sites, the one and only ‘WATER PARK TINAPA’ (although I wanted obudu too); I went along with UCH IBADAN (the hollowrables, hollow!)It was mad fun in that bus; wish I could bring back every moment of it. I enjoyed every minute of tinapa time despite the delay and the heavenly showers, I bet everyone did although I wonder why amidst the euphoria ,some peeps still wore forlorn looks.Tinapa park and resorts  was the height of entertainment, from plunging into pools fully dressed(yea,dats me!)To taking pictures and playing all sorts of game, it was wonderful, you definitely missed out if you were absent in body or soul! ‘Therefore I hereby decree that for this one act of bravery and ingenuity, I absolve Malabites from their past transgressions and errors! Go and err no more’.

All good things inevitably come to an end ,we sluggishly carried our weary bodies to our lodges in order to prepare for the dinner night, it was a grand event, very organized and we ATE!(for those of you who attended the previous convention, am sure u know what I mean),there was an outstanding performance by UNIBEN.it was very colorful and spectacular, girls looking flawless and guys looking rakishly handsome(it was confusing to make a choice),would have loved if there was a center stage and a lil ballroom dancing(winks).

We awoke to a beautiful day, bid the sad and teary goodbyes and took to our heels, looking back intermittently to catch a glimpse of the peoples paradise. It was a memorable event ,thumbs up to everyone who made it a success(Malabites sabi),if u weren’t there,sorry!if u were, wouldn’t you give anything to go back!well,that’s that about that, looking forward to seeing you all in the next convention.

Hate me or love me……………………….xoxo, till we meet again.
Suzzette Ukatu 
UDUTH Sokoto

DOUBLE SLAM: Paradise 2011 and Harvest 2012

Previously on Diaries of a Uniport Delegate…that’s true, there was no Medicare last year but look no further, you will be a getting double dose because it is the season finale. Yes my dear readers, this is the last entry from my diary as a Uniport Delegate. You can skip down to the end of the page to know why. For 5 years now, I have painstakingly chronicled the events of every convention adding to it a mound of melodrama and a pound of panache for good measure. I have written to amuse, abuse, inform, reform and re-live different convention experiences. In my short writing career, I’ve risen to the status of a FECAMDS celebrity that is loved by many for my writing skills and hated by others for how ruthlessly I dole out my sarcastic narratives paying no mind to whose precious feet I’ve trampled on. Well, my sincerest apologies to all FECAMDSites who my thoughtless pun have made many a times the butt of joke.

Let’s start from what happened 2years ago in the finest city in Nigeria...

Paradise 2011 was a like trip down memory lane or should I say was Zauzau all over again. The accommodation, the utilities and the weather was as was seen in ZAUZAU. And for my school that is just behind Calabar, we somehow managed to arrive way past midnight as we did in Zaria. Thankfully, we had already been pre-registered and so we went off to our lodgings. Though there was no supper waiting for us, we couldn’t blame UNICAL because they had bigger fish to fry at that moment and we were filled with joy for getting to our destination in one piece. Schools like UNIBEN, ABU, and OAU to mention a few were yet to arrive.

We were hosted in the hostels of Federal Government Girls College Calabar and for this we remain eternally gratefully to them. It was a secondary school female hostel so on behalf of FECAMDS UNICAL, I apologise profoundly for the inadequacies we all encountered. God knows I had a hard time finding where to lay my head and entering my room after events but it was just for a while. I mean, how long can a convention last that we cannot put up with a few inconveniences for the sake of our federation? The utilities were very sorry excuses for Medical & Health Professionals in the making but as the bible says, “…count it all joy…” and that was what I did. I was also determined to survive this convention; come hell or high water little did I know that hell was waiting to break.

Dawn was heralded by claps of thunder and flashes of lightening. I was tempted to keep sleeping but for the love of FECAMDS, I lazily got up and went for the Opening Mass. The priest who gave us the homily welcomed us all to Calabar & apologised for the absence of the Archbishop. He told us that health care is not just a profession but a vocation and so we should always bring God into our work. He further admonished that we should always apply ourselves to our studies unlike the 5 stupid virgins mentioned in the gospel reading.

The homily was thankfully short; a first in recent times but there was a second part waiting for us, right after communion prior to thanksgiving. The CMO President of St Paul’s UNICAL gave us his own diatribe on why the media houses should be covering the convention instead the government was…oh you get the drift. He however was most pleased to see FECAMDSites from all over the country in one place and cheered us on in the efforts we are making. Dr. Charles Njoku one of the founding fathers took over from him, welcoming us to Calabar and telling us what we all know; we are a part of the happiest family on earth. Luckily, his speech wasn’t as impassioned or as lengthy as the CMO’s President. We gave them both a deafening applause and proceeded to have our thanksgiving.

Oh, our Thanksgiving! I like to think of FECAMDS Opening Mass Thanksgivings as the 1^st part of a two-part fashion event and FECAMDSites have never let me down. It could have passed for a spring collection because there gleams of green, bundles of blue, rays of red, blotches of black, patterns in purple, yards of yellow, waves of white,  glimmers of grey being donned by schools such as  AAU, UCH, UNIBEN, UNEC, UNIPORT, DELSU, ESUT, UDU, IMSU, UNIABUJA, BSU to mention a few. I couldn’t help but wonder what EBSU was up to seeing as they have had no uniform in two years but then they had did brooch/badge thingy that was to die for. Good job guys. NDU was present, though few but had the overwhelming support of Unique UNIPORT. UNEC’s Uniform never goes out of fashion and they decided to up the ante by adding a classy muffler to it. I was soooo jealous. UNILORIN made a grand entrance with a wonderful music selection for their thanksgiving-Praise the Lord, let the people rejoice-excuse me…are we at a burial? (shaking my head). ABU Zaria and OAU Ife (not UNIBEN) were absent at the thanksgiving because they had some mishap on their way. ABU was robbed (is it just me that thinks it weird that ABU got robbed on their way to Calabar the way UNICAL got robbed on their way to Zaria?) while OAU Ife had a flat tire and had to spend the night on the bus at Aba.

FECAMDS Choristers from different schools harmonized by NAUTH’s Dr. Mozart was wonderful. They repeatedly held the congregation spellbound if for nothing else, for the mere fact that different choristers from different schools were singing together in harmony. Right after the mass was the picturefest. FECAMDSites braved the pouring rain to go outside and take some pictures. This took another hour or so of our time. If the thanksgiving was a fashion show, then taking pictures is the norm. And so we struck all sorts of poses, made all sorts of faces and said all sorts of cheeses while the cameras clicked away blinding us with its flash each time. Subsequently we went for the symposium were ground-breaking lectures in modern medicine were given. Unfortunately I didn’t take notes but at the next I will try to take notes. The launching of Medicare normally holds after the symposium but not at this convention because the Medicare was still on its way. You’ll think the symposium would’ve ended early but it didn’t. Anyway, when it finally ended it was raining cats and dogs and maybe elephants and horses too. Well, most of us got wet as we awaited the opening of our lodges and I decided to…yes “count it all joy”.

So after we changed into dry clothes we went back for Supper and then Variety night. Supper wasn’t to be hard till very late which was due to unforeseen logistical emergencies. FECAMDS UNICAL was greatly short-staffed and was doing their best to meet our needs so let us not be too quick to judge them for serving our supper (or its sorry excuse) late rather let us think of ways to assist which ever school we find ourselves in for a convention in getting job done because “whatsoever you do to the least of my brothers…” it’s not my word. On getting to the church, I went for NEC Meeting, while others were expecting supper. NEC Meeting took a while but in the end we had new EXCO’s but unfortunately the hosting of next convention couldn’t be determined. Supper came quite late and we were more than pleased to have it when it came.

So there we were sitting forlornly in the church and waiting for direction on how to go about variety night. Old friends were catching up, new friends were meeting (as usual) and strangers were staring at each other anticipating who will make the first move. All of a sudden we heard thunderous sounds which at first I dismissed as peals of thunder but I had to review my diagnosis when I saw people running into the church. I was amused in that moment, confused yet still amused. No one knew what caused the noise but majority said it was a gun shot. After a few moments of panic, calm restored and we were about our businesses, chatting away in careless abandon eagerly expecting the variety night. Another thunderous sound sent people running into the church from all its orifices…sorry entrances. This second was definitely a gun-shot. There was a little commotion outside the church towards where the buses were packed but no one wanted to go and know what it was. I guess we were content with the knowledge that what we don’t know will not kill us. We huddled around each other like the apostles and all of a sudden in our midst was a UNICAL Delegate. In our hyperadrenalinemia, we wanted to tear poor Elvis apart. But he held his ground surprisingly and told us that there’s been a riot and a student had unfortunately been killed, therefore, nobody will be allowed to go anywhere anymore. He expressed his great displeasure at the turn things had taken and apologised to us on behalf of UNICAL and FECAMDS UNICAL. And then like the ghost whom he came, he disappeared. We were left to our own devices. Most of were in no mood for partying but then some good-spirited FECAMDSites were able to elevate our moods and then variety night started.

Desperate times they say call for desperate measures and it was really a desperate situation for us to have our Variety night in the church. But FECAMDSites hated to be put down by the unpleasant situation. Thanks to schools like EBSU and UNIBEN who saw to it that the Variety Night started off and was fun. The joie de vivre they exhibited was quite contagious and in no time several schools were mounting the improvised stage to render their presentations. I think that was the best Variety night most of us have attended not because of the quality or content of presentations but because we were united in our adversity. It brought out the real FECAMDS love in all of us and there were no longer demarcations of state, school or ethnicity. I love my FECAMDS family. The presentations continued for some time but we eventually tired and a good number sought succour in the confines of the church pew while a few rambunctious ones like yours-truly gisted the night away with old and new friends.

At the earliest crack of dawn, our buses left the school for the hostels where we hurriedly showered and came back to the buses to leave for the retreat but that was not to be. So we had a blast that morning, singing and dancing all thanks to UNIBEN’s standby drums. Even the showers of blessing couldn’t put a damper on our spirits. Yes our breakfast arrived quite late and was…let’s forget how it was but we were grateful to have eaten at all. I mean our hosts had been thrown out of the hostels so they had to organize themselves and then attend to our needs. Let’s focus a while on what UNICAL must have been going through at that point in time, through no fault of theirs; our need for curtsies and courtesies in breakfast must pale in comparison. Whatever the case may be, we left for the retreat which was a typical Convention retreat. More than half of the church was asleep at any point in time while the other half was divided between those inside and those outside the church. I and some friends made the best use of the opportunity to iron our dinner outfits at the priest’s residence. I’m sure some people’s lives were changed by the retreat; I pray it is for the better. It is also my sincerest prayers that subsequent retreats affect more lives positively.

The instant the retreat ended, we took a few pictures (no be FECAMDS again?) and were on our merry way to…you guessed right, Tinapa. Tinapa was everything it promised to be and even more. In typical FECAMDS manner, we broke into small groups and went touring. The rain couldn’t put us down. A little shopping here, a little ride there and some gaming was all that was needed to complete our Tinapa experience. Minutes turned into hours and before we knew it, night came. Hurriedly like Cinderella at the stroke of midnight, we left Tinapa and like Cinderella still we left with a dull ache in our chest after seeing such beautiful sights. But we need not have regretted for we left a ball for a banquet in our honour, talk of moving up the social ladder.

The dinner! Oh the dinner! The breath-taking-oh-my-god-heaven-kissed-colour-themed dinner! Though the convention had been filled with ups and downs (which convention isn’t?), the trip to Tinapa and the Dinner made up for all the drawbacks we had experienced so far. The buffet-style service was a new innovation and it sure spiced things up. I think the climax of the evening was the Salsa by UNIBEN. It was energetic yet svelte, brisk motions yet dazzling. The resounding applause they received was worth it for they had given a command performance. The good thing about this dinner was that we ate to our hearts content and then we were able to hear ourselves and make small talk with new friends over our pepper-soup and finger food. Like all dinners, this too came to an end, marking the end of the convention. Many people were displeased at the events of the convention but the memories of the dinner and Tinapa keeps pleading the cause of Calabar and reminding us that the convention wasn’t all bad. We left for our different hostels where most of us didn’t sleep. We just showered, changed into something road-worthy (if you get my meaning) and proceeded with long goodbye chats while waiting for day to break so that we can part ways. Finally day did break; I can’t quite say we were eager to go or reluctant to leave but every convention ends on an ambivalent note and this was no different. As usual, we made vague promises to stay in touch (all lies if you ask me) and exchanged phone numbers and the like to that effect.  

…back to the present, it was interesting right? Well if you are sad for missing Paradise 2011; get ready to commit suicide if you also missed Harvest 2012. It is time to revel, regale and relive the memories of Makurdi; I assure you that they are worth re-visiting ever-so-often.

The Pre-Convention NEC Meeting prepared me for the sensations and sensualities of Makurdi but my entire sermon on the tranquil nature of Benue and its inhabitants fell on many deaf ears. Unfortunately for the chicken-hearted ones (or should I say illiterates who confuse Makurdi, Benue for Maiduguri, Borno) and those who genuinely could not make it, the best Convention in history just passed you by. Dare I start with the usual discourse of how we got there? Boring! I’d rather leave that to your imaginations. Just bear in mind that being in Nigeria’s middle belt and having an expansive land mass, the journey to Benue State from any part of Nigeria isn’t a short one. However, the joys of arriving at a convention safely (or maybe relieving one’s bladder after a long ride) supersedes the displeasure, sadness, monotony that one may have endured on the road.

The fore-mentioned NEC meeting and my post as Assistant National Secretary General familiarized me with the lay of the land and the fine people of BSU. On alighting from our bus, I sought out friends from BSU and schools that arrived earlier. The hugs and kisses followed momentarily, each lasting briefly and often interrupted by another familiar face demanding a handshake, a hug or a kiss (of peace or otherwise, your guess is as good as mine). The catch-up phase was paused as we were herded off to Welcome Mass. It was mercifully momentary. I’m certain someone must have intimated the priest on how tired and hungry we were and that many others were still en route. With the final blessings, registrations continued and so did the tell-me-how-you’ve-been conversations. As more schools arrived, voices may have been raised a little (all in good faith) over registrations, levies and debts owed while supper was being served swiftly. Makurdi weather which had hitherto been clement took a turn for the worse as we successfully got the campfire blazing. Being Day 1 of the convention, people were reluctant to talk to ‘strangers’ rather seeking out the company of schoolmates and old friends. The dismal weather drove us inside and before long we were seeing a movie while our suites (yeah you read that right) were being readied.

STAMS (St Thomas Aquinas Major Seminary) Makurdi may have been a seminary but in the rating of Convention accommodations, it was easily a 3…no make that a 4-star resort (I’m saving the 5-star for an accommodation with a bath that has hot water and maybe breakfast in bed). The rooms each with its own convenience, wardrobe and bureau were massive averaging at 4 delegates per room. Of course BSU thought it wise we flex our muscles a little (to keep in shape and maybe impress the ladies) whenever it was shower hour or we needed water. The guys didn’t mind for sure neither did the ladies who needed only to pout and have FECAMDS Brothers falling over themselves to help, chivalry isn’t dead amongst us. As for yours-truly, a good friend accommodated me on campus and gave me the 5-star treatment (Thanks Jonathan, God keep you for me). Nonetheless, I still kept my fingers on the pulse of happenings at STAMS. Not to worry, I don’t do my dirty laundry (especially those with FECAMDS insignia) in public.

Friday morning was lovely with a balmy weather. Opening mass was THE EVENT and thanksgiving officiated by yours-truly was spectacularly awesome. Trust FECAMDSites never to disappoint. It’s safe to say that all schools at the convention made it to the thanksgiving parade…sorry procession. Some new schools even made their debut while some separated brethren returned to the fold. Truly it was a harvest of many things, souls included.

Strike-a-pose-look-at-the-camera-and-say-cheese is something that has become second-nature to us be it on the red carpet, dinner table or right in front of the church. Pictures, pictures and more pictures were taken just as the mass ended and as we went for the symposium. Normally I would have lost it at how long it took FECAMDSites to get to the symposium but the sheer beauty and picturesque nature of BSU made me forget the symposium and enjoy the company of friends as the cameras clicked away. There was also a harvest of tablets and capsules, capturing the perfect moments. BSU went all out, broadcasting the pictures and videos as soon as they were taken. Like I said, I missed the symposium, sue me. But I had a lovely time with two great friends. Sadly, there was no magazine launch as we were still awaiting its arrival.

As the symposium drew to an end, the stage for a trade fair was being set and as soon as the symposium ended, it kicked into full gear. A lot of articles were on sale, ranging from the Official Convention t-shirt to Barbequed fish. Trust FECAMDSites, wallets were opening faster than the items could be bought and our ladies were fluttering their eyelids to get all that they wished for. The trade fair continued late into the night. A lot of people forfeited supper to snack on the roasted plantain and barbequed fish. Rumour has it that it was heavenly. In true FECAMDS style, the 2^nd night was a night of variety and spices (if you get my drift). Though it may have started a trifle late, it was certainly entertaining. We learnt a song in Tiv, stomached a Celine Dion-wanna-be and were thrilled by dance moves that had never been seen. The pantomime by BSU left no dry eye in the audience, big ups to them for we were truly wowed.

Saturday morning; to fast or not to fast? This was the question a lot of people asked themselves. Our hosts in their wisdom and in keeping with the convention agenda didn’t serve any breakfast to reduce the temptation to break the fast. We were more or less compelled to observe the fast as we went for the retreat. It was a deeply spiritual event. There was the divine praise-and-worship sessions and the spiritually-fulfilling bible sharing with the exploration of the convention’s theme. Numerous lives were changed (mine inclusive) at the end of the retreat and the Eucharistic celebration that sealed it all. As lunch was served, I could hardly fault those who had no patience for decorum, they’d been fasting and we all know how hypoglycaemia inhibits inhibitions. I always find a meal of Eba-and-anything boring so while lunch (or was it brunch) was being served; Jonathan took me and the Duchess on a private tour of Makurdi. We dined in a high class restaurant and saw the city from an insider’s point of view. Afterwards, we adjoined to Jonathan & my private quarters for a secret movie viewing. It was a most refreshing experience and I, Jonathan and the Duchess bonded; friends forever

In other news, a public tour was taking the other FECAMDSites over some sites; the zoo, the river basin, the market…it was nothing near as glamorous as my own private tour. After the tour was the games. In these days of BH, I wonder whose novel idea it was to pit the North against the South in the football march but it turned out well. Volley-ball, lawn tennis, Basketball even Cheerleading were going on simultaneously (BSU left no stone unturned in ensuring the success of this convention). There is nothing like a little exercise to get one into shape in order to fit in that Dinner apparel ordered months ago when one was little bit leaner. The sun was merciless and sweat flowed freely. From what we had seen…eaten at the convention thus far, it was also important for us to burn up all those calories in anticipation for overdosing at the dinner; that was not a foolish move. NEC meeting which followed the sporting events elected the new EXCO’s and the venue of the next convention. Believe me when I tell you that it was no cheap feat and it made a lot of us late for dinner or should I say it made the dinner start late. Whatever be the case, NEC Meeting was a success (when compared to previous Convention NEC Meetings).

Live from the Red Carpet, our Ladies were astonishing and our Gents were charming. The Dinner being the highlight of the entire convention, we were transported into another realm. The décor of the hall was enchanting, the music was classy, the guests were well-behaved and the entertainment superb. Earlier, I mentioned that Medicare hadn’t arrived and so it wasn’t launched. Well, at the dinner, it still hadn’t arrived but it was launched in absentia. Unique Uniport stole the day closely followed by UNIJOS but it was in good fate after all, Uniport had won the editorial school. This was one dinner nobody was eager to leave, even after it had ended. There was plenty to eat and drink; the conversations flowed more freely. We were having the time of our lives and it was the kind of night you wish never ends. Alas, all good things come to an end and this convention was no exception. Yeah, this was one convention a lot of people left happily and eager to attend the next one while a handful of us left; happy that it was fun but sad that it would be our last.

At the end of 6 Conventions, I can’t help but wonder; Were they really worth it? Were FECAMDS Annual Conventions worth all the stress associated with planning and attending them? And all I have to do is pull out my diary and relive the moments; from Benin to Zaria to Ife to Awka to Calabar and finally to Makurdi. I have met a lot of people who have coloured my world from all parts of the country and most of whom I’ve come to call friends. My advice to you attending your first convention; don’t be shy, talk to that stranger who’s eye have met yours severally, get to know that you convention roommate better and don’t keep silent at your dinner table. You never know where or when you’ll need their help/ friendship tomorrow.

Sitting here making my last entry into this diary, I can’t help the emotions that well up within. I’ve attended my last convention as a student, I hope and pray that I can attend many more as a doctor. And that my column lives on for a long long long time.

Illumination 2010

Each year I look forward to attending the FECAMDS National Annual Convention and chronicling the details for the reading pleasure of those who missed it and those who love to relive their experiences there. Let’s see, I’ve written for 1, 2, 3…this is my 4th chronicle and most likely my last. I pray someone steps in to fill my shoes as soon as I stop. Before I start, I’ll like to state categorically that; I’m an Awka boy. That’s where I grew up and that’s where my family resides till date. I love Nnamdi Azikiwe University (Unizik) like it’s my school. I have a whole lot of friend in FECAMDS NAUTH. Now we’ve cleared the air, let’s proceed. To all those who chronically miss convention and hope to catch up from this column, you don’t really know how much you are missing. Illumination 2010 was different from all the previous conventions I’ve attended. The pre-convention NEC Meeting got me rally psyched and add the fact that the location is Awka-home for all (& me especially)-I just couldn’t miss it. Awka wasn’t so far away and in record time, we were in Awka. It was a reunion of sorts for me because I saw old friends both from secondary school and from previous conventions. The registration this year proceeded rather smoothly because we sent our list beforehand except that we had to pay some extra fees on the spot before registration could be completed. I’m sure I made a scene, giving Opeyemi Towoju the former National Secretary and his Assistant Iyke Mebirim a piece of my mind (sorry Sweeties, you know I love you) but in the end, all was sorted out amicably. After that, I skipped out for a little family reunion while welcome mass commenced. It’s interesting to note that this is the first time UNIPORT is attending Welcome Mass after UNIBEN’s Heart’s like Christ. The bonfire that followed afterward was more colourful than what OAU gave. The fire was blazing brightly (and warming our chilled innards) and the fireworks (which I’m sure cost a fortune) lit up the night sky beautifully. There were igba, udu, ogene, ichaka and even vuvuzela pealing out wonderful melodies in African tempo enlivening the whole arena. As always, there was concomitant budding of new friendships, rekindling of old flames, settling of old flames, settling of old brawls and well, outbreaks of new quarrels. Schools like EBSU, UNIBEN, and OAU to mention a few were actively involved in gingering up the arena with their instruments. But for the gyration around the fire, a big thank you to all schools that came. Also kudos to NAUTH, the school that made it all possible. They gave us a wonderful lodge, didn’t they? LOL! Please don’t start swearing and cursing. You are reading a holy write-up. I’ll make you a deal. You can swear and curse all you want but first, you’ve got to finish this paragraph and then you’ve got to put this magazine down. Deal? Ok! At the pre-convention NEC Meeting, NAUTH promised to accommodate us in lodges like never before with this and that bla bla bla. They did fulfill that promise, just not in the way we expected. I stayed in a room with 8boys but I heard some where as much as 13. Can you beat that? And what about the national executives? They were left to their own devices. Jeez! What an arrangement! Well, somehow we managed to sleep whether on top of each other or on our toes, it was really none of their business. No…they were really sorry, nothing could be done. Thank God they didn’t bother to wake us early. Friday was a lovely day, started on a very wet note. We woke up to enter our buses and zoom off to Nnewi for Opening Mass. I’ll restate here that St Cletus Catholic Church Nnewi is simply beautiful. In the short case, I mentioned a’ Memorable’ breakfast, right? Well let me educate you. I’m not much of a food person, I mean I eat (we all do) but I’m not so particular about what I eat except for a few things like noodles or eba or some other thing. I also like to have my meals on time because I simply cannot fast. So here I was in the middle of nowhere and it was way past my meal time. My migratory motor complexes were in overdrive. A friend of mine was taking a personal tour round Nnewi and I asked him to get me some hot Okpa but he declined on the grounds that he won’t be coming back soon enough. Being observant sure does have its perks or maybe hunger had heightened my senses because I noticed quite a number of ‘FECAMDS Republic’ clad torsos migrating towards a rickety shed outside the gate. My curiosity got the better of me and I went to find which honey was drawing them like bees. (Ok! I know this isn’t the" Memorable" breakfast gist, but I’m getting there) To my greatest surprise, it was an akara joint but more puzzling yet was the size of the queue awaiting the akara. There was even a crowd of people who was in no mood for a queue surrounding the poor woman. I thought my Igbo speaking prowess will get me in the woman’s favour but that was not to be for many people there could speak Igbo well too. Anyway, the good thing was that we were one family and so we all shared the whole akara and bread the woman had on sale. I’m sure the woman prays for another convention each day. We went back inside to have a wonderful breakfast that came in this beautiful ‘take-away’ packs. I’ve heard the term looks can be deceptive and at this point, it couldn’t have been more rightly applied. I thought it was fried rice or something equally exotic. I know the menu said Tummy Tummy so I said to myself, “If it comes in such a pack then it must be wonderful”. I opened the pack and WOW! It was noodles! I hate noodles all types of noodles and here I was being served noodles at a FECAMDS Convention for a breakfast that was more than 2hrs late. Na den I take sabi say wahala dey oh! People ate the noodles without much complaints, after all, beggars are not choosers but I didn’t. I hate noodles. Mass started soon after and the bishop Valerian Okafor was gracious enough to give us N200000 to avoid late meals (and noodles too I suppose). The mass was wonderful, NAUTH choir was at their best (keep it up guys). The thanksgiving was showy as usual, uniforms everywhere. Last convention was EBSU in Swagger T-shirts, this time it was UNIPORT in FECAMDS Republic. Na wa oh! Una no de tire? Pictures were taken after mass, followed by the most boring aspect of every convention. Seriously, symposia should be made more fun. A little fun if you may (and I mean interaction between schools not between us and those Profs. I’m sure each school has their own fair share of those). Launching of the Medicare followed suit. The Medicare was quite nice, thanks to Mary, Charlie and the whole UNILORN Crew and it raked in a handsome sum. We were supposed to take a tour of NAUTH but we were hard pressed for time and so had to set off for Awka. On the way back, something funny happened. It started off as a casual stroll down memory lane. About half a dozen people were singing nursery rhymes in the bus and playing some Primary school games. In the blink of an eye, the whole bus was agog. There were all kinds of singing and dancing and clapping. It was a miracle we got to Awka without any incident or accident. I was dumbfounded at what happened in the bus but what surprised me even more was that other buses had a similar experience. I couldn’t help but wonder, “What was in that tummy tummy?” The Variety Night that followed after the supper was okay. Just that it was in the middle of nowhere and the presentations which were all supposed to have a cultural theme did not. As usual, some schools took time to prepare and rendered a wonderful presentation while others presented just to answer present. A new day broke and truly it was a beautiful day. The skies were clear and the weather perfect. Breakfast was a sumptuous meal of a piece of yam and two spoons of stew. It wasn’t much, but we didn’t complain; dinner was forthcoming. The retreat was spiritually rewarding. Priests are never late for mass, right? Your guess is as good as mine. What I can’t quite understand is the no confession part or were we granted herd immunity…sorry absolution? Nsogbu di o! I missed lunch (sue me, I went home to see alma mater) and the greater part of the retreat (don’t you dare judge me!). but I came back to prepare for dinner only to be conscripted into NEC Meeting. As a chapter secretary, do I have a choice? There was supposed to be a sporting competition but I guess we ran out of time. Maybe Calabar will factor that in. NV meeting proved to be too long, what with election of new executives, bidding for hosting rights and editorial school. I was like, “Helloo! Dinner’s waiting” but no one took notice. Not to mention that NEC wanted to tackle the mess NAU had managed to dish out all through the convention. Well, I can’t quite remember all that happened but the lot of us who went for the meeting was late for dinner. This was partly due to the length of the meeting and largely due to lack of transport to dinner venue. The dinner was truly unforgettable. Due to no fault of mine, I was late for dinner but one NAUTH sister wouldn’t hear of that. I’m going to paraphrase what she said so that this magazine doesn’t go vulgar but you’ll get the meaning anyway, “I told you people to enter but you refused and was rather snapping pictures. You have to wait outside till NAUTH Members finish entering”. I would have been shocked have been shocked by such hostility but I wasn’t. And why, you may ask? Well, ever since we got here it’s been nothing but hostility and rudeness from NAUTH. Haba! We force una to host? As if that was not enough, when I finally got into the matchbox…I mean dining room…hall...Dining Hall, it was parked to the brim. There was neither leg room nor breathing space. Somehow I managed to squeeze into a seat and then hit the drinks. That was the only way I could get through all that awful singing coming from the stage. Gosh! There was singing, singing and more singing that I had to ask, “is this an opera or a dinner?” As the singing subsided, they went into award presentations, bla bla bla bla bla. At this point, I was bored out of my mind and wishing I could get high on water or soft drinks. Thanks to my good friend Charles Ekeh (Now a Doctor) who kept me sane with gists. The time for food came. Pepper soup was served first, it went round. We gulped it amidst laughter and gists. Let me point out here that the crowd on each table was enormous; we were not less than 12 on each table. You can imagine the kind of socializing that can occur on such large tables. The second course came soon afterwards. On my table was mostly Convention Veterans so we decided to pass the food to the Convention Freshers with hopes of ours coming later. And so we waited and waited and waited, ad infintum. All the drinks I had downed was taking a toll on my bladder and so I went to relieve myself . but before I got there, I beheld a shocking sight. Our beloved waiters and waitresses, FECAMDS brethren from NAUTH were busy stuffing themselves with food mean for the diners, their guests. Food we paid for. I was so angry and hungry (thank you very much). That was the height of the hospitality or lack of it. More than half of what came for the dinner were yet to eat. When I came back to share the horrific scene I just saw, I discovered that dinner wa over. People were leaving in anger. It was the middle of the night so there was no option of ok-we’ll-buy-something-else. NAUTH had effectively dealt FECAMDS a dirty slap. On getting back to the Seminary where we’ve been lodging, trouble was brewing. Some schools from the south wanted to riot. Oh yes! They wanted to set things ablaze and destroy some of the seminary property, to vent their anger, a hungry man after all is an angry one. Tension was sky high but after careful and diplomatic deliberations, NAUTH had to forfeit their breakfast to pacify those who were hungry. All this was happening at about 2:00am. Day broke and some schools left, in anger and without a goodbye. I don’t really blame them. I can only pray they keep coming for FECAMDS Conventions. The closing mass was thankfully short and in no time at all, we were on our way back to Port Harcourt. Of course, many people were ill at ease with the events of the dinner. The sad fact is that many Convention Freshers swore never to attend Convention again but the saddest part is that UNICAL has to work extra hard to correct the bad impression NAUTH made. I hope they can, I sincerely hope they can.