MEMOIRS OF MY MOMENTS IN PARADISE by Suzzette Ukatu

(This was an article Suzzette Ukatu wrote that was to appear in the Medicare that got burnt. It's a little piece of her she left me and it's my pleasure sharing it with all of you. RIP Duchess) 

Welcome to the ”true convention story”, I  have been skeptical on writing on convention events, in fact on writing at all, hopefully this would be my first and last. Let me just say that if you’re expecting a sugar coated story or heartwarming tales about the convention, I’ll advise  you to stop here and close this page , if you’re expecting a skilled , entertaining, educational, inspirational, methodological write up bla bla bla, you are in for a surprise! For I am anything but an experienced writer, and I don’t promise to do my best, rather I promise to take up few minutes of your time with my boring memoirs of paradise (are you are still reading this, ) nevertheless, sit back, cross your legs and pretend your reading this page while I take you through my journey in paradise.

Calabar! Calabar! Calabar! The people’s paradise! Was it really ethereal for me? Can u honestly say it was for you?!People have so many reasons why they go for conventions; to rekindle the flames of friendship, to acquaint themselves with new friends, to get attached with future partners (*winks*) to applaud or criticize the grandeur of a place "a.k.a amebology", especially when it’s called a paradise; Aha! That’s my own reason for going, to finally get to see the prestigious kingdom of Calabar, whose name echoes through the walls of history, whose beauty resolves all doubt, whose culture is as old as time itself, a kingdom whose cleanliness is resounded as an exemplary tool in other parts of the country. Yes! I went to see for myself, the people’s paradise

Our journey to Calabar was stressful to say the least, it was bum-melting, sweat-pouring and time consuming, can u imagine the journey from one end of the earth to another!Sokoto–Calabar!,we had to stop at intervals, but finally we made it through, what relief we had to see the landscapes of Calabar!we were on time for the opening mass while our some of our counterparts were still stuck in the road due to some unforeseen circumstances(sorry guys, heavenly race no easy),on arrival ,the opening mass went smoothly and the heavens literally showered us with blessings.

We were led to our lodges by the representatives of the host school and lo n behold, lord have mercy! From the comforts provided by ABU to the rat infested houses in OAU to the suites in NAUTH,its rather difficult to rank the accommodation offered by Malabites as they are fondly called, perhaps you can help me out, what would you call a place that offers no electricity, no beds, vampire mosquitoes, and water from a trip to Afghanistan! Any suggestions? notwithstanding, I got a comfortable spot after having to carry a double bunk bed from one room to another (u wan try Ibo girl)and then going to search for a bed all the way to jamaica.yea yea ,it wasn’t  all that bad, the Malabites arrived in time to assist us before we collapsed from hypothermia and mega stress syndrome.

After a fitful night rest, we awoke to the sound of a bell very early to start preparing for the thanksgiving mass. It was a very colorful gathering, T-shirts seemed to be the dress code, because all sort of colors were seen, ash by UDU, green by BSUTH, red by DELSUTH, yellow and black by UATH, dark colored polo’s by IMSUTH , UNIPORT, UNICAL etc., although some schools stepped out in style, the bling bling by ESUTH, the jumpsuit/polo by UNIBEN and the conventional style of UNTH (come on guys, we are dying to see something new). There were lots of dance moves to the altar with UNIBEN, ESUTH, UNIPORT, UNTH, ABSUTH, leaving some moves in our memory.

It became picture frenzy after the mass and lots of old and new acquaintances were made. We dashed off to the symposium (the most interesting event in history) they said it was nice, I can’t say because I wasn’t there. I was busy doing something else, erm…..yea, was working up a sweat! The symposium lasted too long as usual (don’t all boring events do?)then we left and got back in time to wait for supper at the church, we waited and waited, hungrily and tirelessly, looking from clock to watch and back to clock again!(trust me, it wasn’t funny)chicks began to complain, what is taking the food so long? My stomach growls! (translation- hunger dey fire us), as the seconds went by, we became restless and ESUTH and AAU delegates entertained us vigorously (you guys rock) until the food came. Little did we know that more was yet to come, we had barely touched our food when we saw a stampede of people running into the church, it was chaotic, those outside ran inside while those inside somersaulted into the altar with rosaries clutched at their chest, how do I know all this? I had a pretty good view from under the table where I and 2 other people surprisingly squeezed ourselves into (who knew adrenaline could slim you down in 2 minutes! New discovery), people were speaking in strange tongues that day and it definitely wasn’t as a result of the outpouring of the holy spirit, urhobo boy speaking hausa, hausa speaking French, ibo speaking idoma! (Oghene! abasimbong! chineke! ubangiji). Anyway, a UNICAL representative came to douse the flames and told us everything was under control, although I remained firmly hidden under the table sha (who no like him life)

As a result of the unsettlement, we had to have the variety night in an unfavorable location (sad), I looked forward to variety nights each year, some schools could not perform due to physical and environmental factors while others still dared to try, JUTH, ESUTH, UNTH tried their very best and gave a wonderful performance against the odds (one word guys! Awesome), and others as we are yet to discover saved the best for the last.

Our night rest was as usual (need I say more?), as the day broke, heavy rains broke in but we broke through. After an interesting breakfast, we were treated to a tour to some tourist sites, the one and only ‘WATER PARK TINAPA’ (although I wanted obudu too); I went along with UCH IBADAN (the hollowrables, hollow!)It was mad fun in that bus; wish I could bring back every moment of it. I enjoyed every minute of tinapa time despite the delay and the heavenly showers, I bet everyone did although I wonder why amidst the euphoria ,some peeps still wore forlorn looks.Tinapa park and resorts  was the height of entertainment, from plunging into pools fully dressed(yea,dats me!)To taking pictures and playing all sorts of game, it was wonderful, you definitely missed out if you were absent in body or soul! ‘Therefore I hereby decree that for this one act of bravery and ingenuity, I absolve Malabites from their past transgressions and errors! Go and err no more’.

All good things inevitably come to an end ,we sluggishly carried our weary bodies to our lodges in order to prepare for the dinner night, it was a grand event, very organized and we ATE!(for those of you who attended the previous convention, am sure u know what I mean),there was an outstanding performance by UNIBEN.it was very colorful and spectacular, girls looking flawless and guys looking rakishly handsome(it was confusing to make a choice),would have loved if there was a center stage and a lil ballroom dancing(winks).

We awoke to a beautiful day, bid the sad and teary goodbyes and took to our heels, looking back intermittently to catch a glimpse of the peoples paradise. It was a memorable event ,thumbs up to everyone who made it a success(Malabites sabi),if u weren’t there,sorry!if u were, wouldn’t you give anything to go back!well,that’s that about that, looking forward to seeing you all in the next convention.

Hate me or love me……………………….xoxo, till we meet again.
Suzzette Ukatu 
UDUTH Sokoto